dear school

dear school,

i know, i know … you weren’t supposed to end until late may anyways. and it’s only the end of april now. ‘can’t you just hold on for 4 more weeks?’ you ask. it sounds reasonable to the administration, to the teachers, to our parents – even to myself, at first. it can’t be all that hard focusing for one more month. working hard and learning for one more month. right now you’re telling me all about oceania in geography class and yes, it’s very lovely, i admit. very fascinating, very beautiful.

but so are the many faces on zoom that i’m studying right now as you flip through slides of new zealand’s primary cities. i’m measuring the inconsistencies of the present moment as compared to my previous knowledge of their behavior and evaluating their expressions and interacting with them in the subtle ways that all students will find despite the odds. their human psyches, oblivious of my writer’s mind etching them indelibly into my arsenal of humanity (something all infps have; have you ever studied personality typing, dear school?), are much more real to me than Oceania at the moment. but, of course, Oceania is very important too.

and, dear school, did you know that my sisters and i have started a band? we only know one song right now, and none of us are experts at our instruments, but we’re learning, learning, learning. i got the most beautiful new guitar strap, and we flipped around the drumset so that it’s facing the room instead of the wall. we’re hoping that one day there’ll be an audience there, but for now we’re working hard. every once in a while, lured down by the sound of music, little siblings will slither into the basement and conspicuously hide behind couches until somehow they’ve gotten ahold of drumsticks and the entire lower floor erupts in cacaphony. at least one band member will leave the room in frustration until our mother shoos the little ones away. every night i fall asleep now with sore fingers and a hoarse throat but it’s the pain that i love. it’s addicting, in a way that i’ve never felt before. perhaps i’ll write a song about it.

and, most well-meaning school, have you ever studied the face of your little 3-year-old brother as he saunters into your room and asks you to watch him stomp his foot as hard as he can? his little double chin is absolutely irresistible but he doesn’t even mind if you reach out and squeeze him. he’s such a big boy now, as he recites nursery rhymes, but when he squeals in pure excitement after “georgie porgie RAN AWAY!” you know that he’s still your little baby brother. you must listen in silent adoration as he talks about whatever is on his delightfully frenetic mind, and perhaps you shouldn’t laugh when he says “that old green woman, peter pan.” he doesn’t want to be laughed at right now. he wants to be respected and constantly reaffirmed as he becomes a little man who wakes up very morning and puts on his own socks and shoes and sometimes pants without being helped at all.

and, wonderful school, did you know how many different art mediums there are? the other day i was hit by the realization of how small a drop it is that i’ve created in the ocean of artwork. i haven’t drawn in ink or charcoals for far too long, dear school – nor have i touched my tablet. all the ideas of what i could possibly create are swimming in a pool of colors – and mandalas – and textures – and pigments – and i’m having difficulty keeping them from pouring out. Oceania is holding them back for now, but Oceania itself implies something churning, roaring, storming – flooding.

and lastly, sweet school, i’ve only sniffed the most elusive scent of classic literature, and the scent is becoming unbearably tantalizing at the moment. of course the books you’ve given me to read are most interesting and mind-opening, but somehow i never devoured them as voraciously as i devoured crime and punishment and war and peace. as i’m devouring les miserables right now. the books you choose are never long enough, school, which most of the world is grateful for. but not i – i prefer to live as long as i can in worlds-byegone and absorb as much greatness as i can before moving on. of course you couldn’t change your reading list just for my sake, because you’re confined to a schedule and must pace yourself to the average, not the insane. perhaps you’ve never gone a little insane, school – perhaps you never can. it’s life changing, to go a little insane for a day and begin an elaphantine book like war and peace and emerge 6 months later as a different person, armed with an extensive arsenal of Russian names. maybe it’ll even become one of the best decisions you’ve ever made.

but alas, dear school, i must end this brief letter and return to Oceania. a most beautiful place, of course. but then again, for all i know, it could be an extremely clever elusion made up by the government. for now i’ll try my best to believe it – try my best to hold in the flood beginning to swell up to record proportions – try my best to put down the guitar although the beautiful new rose-covered strap is absolutely seductive – try not to squeeze my little brother’s cheek for fear of coming too close in contact with reality and what means the most in life. hopefully Oceania has enough strength to resist all that.

sincerely,

jul

p.s. – i apologize for all the long and archaic language – it’s been building up in my head for too long and needs an outlet.

38 thoughts on “dear school”

    1. Thank you so much! So happy you liked it 🙂
      And yes, going insane is what makes life worth it in my opinion. All the best people are a little bit crazy 🙂
      power to the local dreamer ||-//
      *also i hope you don’t mind that i edited out the ‘god’ in your comment … don’t be worried because you probably don’t know this but as a christian it’s important for me not to use God’s name in any context other than respect or love for God. you probably didn’t know that so you’re totally fine, no worries at all 🙂 i hope you understand <3*

      Liked by 3 people

  1. please don’t apologize for your writing, it’s beautiful and i was in awe reading this post! it’s lovely to hear that you and your sisters are starting a band, and your brother sounds adorable. it’s crazy how different life is now that we’re in quarantine, and you summed up that feeling perfectly with this letter! i’m in love with your writing style 💖💖

    Liked by 2 people

    1. oh my goodness thank you so much ash – you’re gonna make me cry ❤ ❤ ❤
      despite the negatives of the present circumstances, there are always those postitives that we can focus on ❤ ❤ ❤
      thank you for reading and leaving your love!
      power to the local dreamer ||-//

      Liked by 1 person

    1. hehehehe i did not – i haven’t reached that level of rebellion quite yet 🙂
      he is adorable! he calls me his “best friend” now that i see him more often and it makes me want to squeeze him so hard 🙂
      thank you for reading and commenting! ❤ ❤
      power to the local dreamer ||-//

      Liked by 1 person

        1. he is the sweetest little boy ❤
          i actually have quite a few siblings – there's 8 of us total (including a set of twins) 🙂 i'm so lucky to have a big family, and this quarantine has only made me more grateful ❤
          do you have any brothers or sister? 🙂

          Like

        2. My youngest sister is 4 years younger than me. She’ll be 22 soon.
          I’m loving my family here! My brother, wife and 2 kids are here at the moment and can’t ho home yet. I’m loving it…
          💕💕💕

          Like

  2. Louuuuuuu!!! Love that little guy…. 🙂 ❤ ❤
    Jul. Amazing. YES.
    Ugh I totally feel the struggle…keep at it sista!
    And beautiful pic!
    Just lovely.
    ~D ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You have such a beautiful and unique way of writing – absolutely don’t let school take that away from you! Keep your originality flowing, explore those creative passions, but don’t underestimate the importance of schooling. Even if you won’t ever need to know about Oceania or differential equations in the future, it is still important to have a wide base of knowledge so that you can talk with everyone, and you know enough to be able to think with a critical mind. Knowing things from many different fields will also help you be more creative! Keep an open mind, keep exploring, keep creating 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. thank you so much – i will try my best to keep up my writing no matter the odds 🙂
      i definitely agree with you on the importance of schooling – if only to expand your mind and thinking capabilities, education is always important. i guess this post was really written in the context of the current quarantine situation – i finally have some more time to pursue my hobbies and spend time with my family, but i still have online school. plus all of the public schools around have cancelled – it’s just my school that is continuing until the end of may – which is a bit frustrating.
      but it’ll be over soon, and i’ll have that freedom 🙂
      thank you again for leaving a thoughtful comment! ❤
      power to the local dreamer ||-//

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ahhhh this is so satisfying and optimistic and beautiful. 🙂 ❤

    "and, most well-meaning school, have you ever studied the face of your little 3-year-old brother as he saunters into your room and asks you to watch him stomp his foot as hard as he can?"

    I love that. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. bruffa how are you so talented in every direction u turn.. ?? like your writing and then smarts and music its never ending :000

    Liked by 1 person

    1. awww you are too sweet because i say the same thing about YOU — everything you just mentioned + producing and BAKING (mary’s shown me the stuff you make and it’s AMAZING) and crazy smarts and fashion and the list goes on…
      let’s just stick with continuing to surprise each other with random things for the rest of our lives if that’s ok w u ❤

      Like

  6. Please don’t apologize for the way you write. This made for a captivating read. It was beautifully written!
    “ i prefer to live as long as i can in worlds-byegone and absorb as much greatness as i can before moving on.” This line, this is just so deep and elegant and perfect and..oh I loved it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It makes me so happy to know that others can enjoy the somewhat-complicated words I love using … I know they can be difficult to understand sometimes! but sweet people like you make it worth it every time ❤️
      and gahh I’m so happy you liked that line! that’s definitely my relationship with books summed up into one sentence :)))
      💚💚💚
      power to the local dreamer ||-//

      Liked by 1 person

  7. this was from a couple of months ago haha and i just realized you’re an infp! me too haha : ) apart from that i loved this and can almost relate as school has started a few weeks ago!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. woooo! I love finding fellow infps… so many of them are bloggers! I guess we all had the same fabulous idea… 💞
      ugh yes school is starting up again – thankfully not online for me tho! I wish you the best of luck, and thank you for reading and leaving your love 💞
      power to the local dreamer ||-//

      Liked by 1 person

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